Sometimes i feel fine and like things are starting to pick up and then sometimes i think about how bad everything is. Right now, i can't stop thinking about how bad things are, but this morning i was feeling really good! I'm supposed to be going out for a christmas meal in like an hour with all of my family. I really don't want to go, the fact its like half an hour away and hate travelling isn't helping. Also the fact that my friends party is tonight and i'm missing half of that isn't helping. But then i'm nervous for that aswell! I think i'm starting to get a bit of social anxiety :(
It really gets to me when people moan about the littlest things! Like if you want a mcdonalds and you can't have one or the fact you have school the next day! I hate it, because i actually want to be able to go to sixth form and do work but i can't and most of the time i manage to slap a smile on my face and i think, if i can so can you! I think i'm just feeling sorry for myself at the moment.
I used to feel sorry for myself all the time, and now its turned to like anger and frustration because i don't know how to help myself anymore. It also annoys me when my close family mope around because of the way i am and because i wan't able to do something. I think to myself, get a grip its me that it's happening to, it's me that suffering so moping round making me feel guilty isn't going to help. I know they only care and blah blah blah but its annoying!
Sometimes i wish i could just get away, and i part of me wishes i never told them in the first place. All i ever feel is guilty when i can tell their stressed. I would love to just do this on my own, i wish they would let me deal with it in my own way. I'm sick of them constantly telling me what would be best for me when they haven't a clue. No one will unless they've went through exactly what i have. I'm so fed up at the moment. Life is hard. Have a great night everyone!
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